Inner Feelings of a Teenager

Loneliness can be a powerful feeling. It can consume your thoughts and actions without you even realizing it. Personally, I sometimes feel that teenagers can be some of the loneliest people in the world. We spend all this time to have the perfect lives, complete with a 4.0 GPA, extracurriculars, time for family, and a social life with friends. The constant pressure for these things can become overwhelming, as it did for me towards the end of my sophomore year and continuing to my junior year. My grades dropped, my relationships suffered, and ultimately, I wasn’t happy with myself nor with the people surrounding me.

I sometimes felt that I had no one in this world who was willing to just sit and listen to me talk about my feelings, or my problems. It made me feel alone in this world and just the feeling that I had no one who truly cared about me had a huge impact on my feelings. I started to shut people out, and the social butterfly I once was became a quiet, soft spoken girl, who kept to herself most of the time. I was stuck in this state of isolation and couldn’t figure out how to pull myself out of it.

After going through a period where I almost always felt stressed and unhappy, I made the choice to focus on myself and the things that make me happy. I cut out the people and things that I believed to be toxic, and started to find new interests and hobbies. I found joy in reading again, and started writing more. I started exercising  more, and it was a healthy way for me to let out my stress, instead of binge eating unhealthily like I had in the past I created new bonds with friends who became my support system, and gradually rediscovered who I was. Putting myself first was something I learned was a priority for being happy, and is one of the most important things that I’ve learned through this process.

Of course, I’m still growing as a person. I still have many things to learn about myself and about the people who I surround myself with. But knowing that I was able to draw myself out of that lonely, unhappy state inspires me to continue to try and be the best person I can be and to help the people I love be their best version of themselves.

An Insight to Me

I’ve always found it hard to find the balance between being polite to people while also being able to have them respect you and have your voice be heard. Growing up, I was always encouraged to be kind to others, and I believe that I’ve grown to be a kind person. However, looking back over the past few years has led me to a realization that I tried too hard to be nice and helpful to others leading to letting myself get walked over. I remember one specific incident that happened in my english class as a junior, where one of my ‘friends’ in the class got mad at me because I refused to help him cheat on a test. Another example was when another one of my ‘friends’ asked me to pee in a cup for her because we had a random drug test at school, and she had smoked marijuana a few days prior. The line between being kind and letting people take advantage of you was slim, and I hadn’t been able to distinguish the difference between them for a long time.

Of course, as I grew older, I matured and grew a backbone. I became more confident in voicing my opinions, unafraid to stir the pot a bit. As a future political science student, being able to grow this way has helped me tremendously. I’ve become one of the most vocal students in my ap government class, which is something I’m proud of, considering how timid I was in the past. I’m still trying to find the balance with being strong and vocal while still taking other’s feelings into consideration. I’ve stopped putting up with people who try to bring me down with their comments, and I’m almost too brutally honest. I learned that sometimes voicing your opinion at the wrong time can take a turn for the worse. However, I’m still young, and trying my best to find balance in all aspects of my life. In starting this blog, I hope that I’m able to grow both as a writer and as a person, and to hopefully realize who I am exactly.